Paige's Dilemma
by J. B. Tilton
Summary: Paige’s encounter with a bureaucracy demon may force her to leave Earth forever.


CHARMED  
"PAIGES' DILEMNA"  
by J. B. Tilton  
email: aramath@isot.com  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: "Charmed" and all related characters and events are   
the property of the WB television network, except for those characters   
specifically created for this story. This is a work of fan fiction   
and no infringement of copyright is intended.  
  
* * *  
  
(Authors note: Paige's encounter with a bureaucracy demon may   
force her to leave Earth forever.)  
  
* * *  
  
Phoebe answered the front door and found a man standing on the   
front porch. The man was dressed in a suit and tie and held a   
briefcase in one hand and a clipboard in the other.  
  
"Good afternoon," said the man, smiling, "I'm not sure if I have   
the right address. Is this the official address of the Wyatt   
Embassy?"  
  
"The what?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"The Wyatt Embassy," repeated the man. "I'm told this is   
supposed to be the official residence of Leo Wyatt."  
  
"Well, Leo does live here," said Phoebe. "He's my brother-in-  
law. But I don't know anything about any embassy."  
  
As the primary Earthly residence of a White Lighter," said the   
man, "it is classified by the Other World Diplomatic Code as his   
official Embassy. The actual designation is Embassy Number 227-14-  
639-8701, but we usually just refer to the embassies by the name of   
the White Lighter who resides there."  
  
"Who are you?" asked Phoebe, a sick feeling forming in the pit   
of her stomach.  
  
"Forgive me," said the man. I should have identified myself   
right off. I was just so confused if this was the proper address or   
not."  
  
He held up his hand and an identification card simply appeared   
in his palm. Phoebe read the official looking card.  
  
"Ralgiz Pervestigator, Field Investigator, Department of   
Supernaturalization and Metaphysical Immigration."  
  
"Bureaucracy demon," gasped Phoebe.  
  
"Now then," said Pervestigator, "I do have the right address.   
If I could come in for just a few minutes I'm sure we can clear this   
little matter up quickly."  
  
Phoebe showed him to the living room.  
  
"So, you're looking for Leo?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"Actually," said Pervestigator, "I'm looking for a Miss Paige   
Matthews. I understand she's a resident of this embassy."  
  
"Yes, she does," said Phoebe.  
  
"Excellent," said Pervestigator. "If I can speak with her for a   
few minutes, this should be quite simple."  
  
Phoebe immediately went to get her sisters and Leo. She had no   
idea why this demon would be here for Paige, but she was sure she   
would need the others with her in case there was any trouble. They   
returned to the living room and Pervestigator smiled.  
  
"Miss Matthews?" questioned Pervestigator.  
  
"Yes?" asked Paige.  
  
"Ah, good," said Pervestigator. "We received a report from the   
Infernal Revenue Service about your residency status here. They were   
requesting documentation on your status as a half White Lighter."  
  
"Okay," said Paige. "I remember they said they were going to   
need it. So, what's the problem?"  
  
"Well, we don't seem to have any documentation on you," said   
Pervestigator. "I can only imagine that it was mistakenly misplaced.   
If I could just see your copies of the documentation, I can make the   
appropriate annotations in your file and that's all there is to it.   
I'll be out of your hair."  
  
"What copies?" asked Paige.  
  
"The certified copies you were issued at your confirmation   
hearing," said Pervestigator.  
  
"Hearing?" questioned Paige. "What hearing?"  
  
"She never had a hearing," said Leo. "We were never told she   
needed one."  
  
"And you would be?" questioned Pervestigator.  
  
"Leo Wyatt," said Leo. "I'm the White Lighter at this embassy."  
  
"I see," said Pervestigator. "Well, Mr. Wyatt, Miss Matthews,   
in order to be certified as a half White Lighter, she is required to   
attend a hearing for that purpose. It's usually just a formality in   
most cases."  
  
"Well, let's do it now," said Piper. "She's still a half White   
Lighter. That hasn't changed."  
  
"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that," said   
Pervestigator. "You see, as a half White Lighter, Miss Matthews was   
born with dual citizenship. Both on Earth and in the upper realm   
where her White Lighter parent is a citizen. It allows these   
individuals to live in either place to decide where they want to   
declare their permanent citizenship."  
  
"This is crazy," said Paige. "I was born in San Francisco. I'm   
an American citizen."  
  
"Only temporarily," said Pervestigator. "According to the   
Supernaturalization Act of the Third Epoch, Fourth Epic, you are   
required to declare your permanent citizenship between your 18th and   
21st birthdays. This is normally done at the confirmation hearing."  
  
"I never had a hearing, as Leo told you," said Paige. "So what   
does that mean?"  
  
"Well," said Pervestigator, "according to the aforementioned   
Act, Title 22, Sub-Title 11, Section 36, Sub-Section 19, paragraph 9,   
permanent citizenship automatically reverts to the primary domiciliary   
held by the most immediate paternal ancestor still living or   
unvanquished."  
  
"The primary what of who?" asked Paige, totally confused.  
  
"The home of your nearest living male relative on your fathers'   
side when you were born," translated Leo.  
  
"Why didn't he just say so?" asked Paige.  
  
"Our records indicate your father was a living White Lighter at   
the time of your birth," said Pervestigator. "And his primary   
domiciliary was the White Lighter Domain of the Other World. Which   
makes your permanent citizenship in that same domain."  
  
"So what does that mean?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"It means," said Pervestigator, "that Miss Matthews is an   
undocumented half White Lighter who is in the Earthly realm without   
certification or appropriate credentials."  
  
"I'm what?" asked Paige. "Don't you ever speak English?"  
  
"I think he said," said Leo, "that you're an illegal alien."  
  
"A what?" asked Piper. "Paige is an illegal alien? That's just   
insane."  
  
"Not according to the Other World Diplomatic Code," said   
Pervestigator. "Under normal circumstances, and if there aren't any   
serious complications, you could just request a special dispensation   
hearing to correct the oversight of not having had a confirmation   
hearing."  
  
"Why don't we do that?" asked Leo. "It would provide the   
necessary documentation you need."  
  
"Unfortunately," said Pervestigator, "we have a complication.   
Some months ago we received an official complaint about Miss Matthews,   
uh, illegal status from a very high-ranking ambassador to the Earthly   
realm. Which means we are required to have a hearing to establish the   
validity of the complaint."  
  
"Complaint by who?" asked Paige.  
  
"By whom," corrected Pervestigator. "Let's see." He rifled   
through some papers in his briefcase. "The complaint was signed by   
the Source of All Evil approximately nine months ago. Ah yes, I   
recall this individual. A rather surly demon with only half a face.   
Demanded you be deported immediately."  
  
"What?" Piper nearly screamed. "The Source? Aren't we ever   
going to be rid of him?"  
  
"Nine months ago," said Paige. "That was just after I became a   
Charmed One."  
  
"No doubt his attempt to break up your power," said   
Pervestigator. "I explained to the Source that there were procedures   
to follow and he'd just have to wait. He was not very happy, I can   
tell you. If you could have produced documentation on your status, it   
would have solved the problem. I'm afraid, however, we are now forced   
to have a hearing on the validity of the charges brought by the   
Source."  
  
"What if I loose?" asked Paige.  
  
"Then you'll be deported to the White Lighter Domain of the   
Other World realm," aid Pervestigator. "And in all likelihood, any   
future requests to return to the Earthly realm will be denied for the   
standard three millennia."  
  
* * *  
  
Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo sat at the defense table in the   
Other World court. Mr. Pervestigator sat at the prosecution table.   
The judge sat on a high bench in front of them both, his clerk sitting   
next to him. Mr. Pervestigator said the case probably wouldn't take   
very long since the facts were indisputable.  
  
"Call the next case," ordered the judge.  
  
"Case number 227,116,349,8221-C," intoned the bailiff, "the   
Department of Supernaturalization and Metaphysical Immigration versus   
Miss Paige Matthews, Charmed One. The charges are unlawful entry into   
the Earthly realm, failure to declare permanent citizenship as   
required by the Other World Diplomatic Code, and failure to provide   
valid documentation and credentials to the aforementioned Department   
of Supernaturalization and Metaphysical Immigration."  
  
"How does the defendant plead?" asked the judge.  
  
"Not guilty," said Paige. "No one told me I had to do any of   
this."  
  
"Ignorance of the law is no defense, young lady," said the   
judge. "Who's representing the prosecution?"  
  
"Mr. Ralgiz Pervestigator," said Pervestigator, "senior field   
investigator of the Department of Supernaturalization and Metaphysical   
Immigration."  
  
"Nice to see you again, Mr. Pervestigator," said the judge.   
"Who is the complaining party in this matter?"  
  
"The Source of All Evil, your honor," said Pervestigator,   
"Leader of the Underworld, and, as stated, the Source of All Evil."  
  
"I assume the basic facts are not in dispute," said the judge.  
  
"No, your honor, they are not," said Pervestigator.  
  
"Miss Matthews," said the judge, "do you acknowledge that you   
are a half White Lighter?"  
  
"Yes, sir," said Paige.  
  
"And from your earlier statement," said the judge, "I assume you   
did not declare your permanent citizenship or file the appropriate   
documentation as stipulated by the prosecution."  
  
"Like I said," said Paige, "no one told me I had to do any of   
that."  
  
"I'll take that as a no," said the judge. "Very well. Mr.   
Pervestigator, you may present your first witness."  
  
"Your honor," said Pervestigator, "a summons was issued for the   
Source but as yet he has not responded."  
  
"I see," said the judge. "Are you requesting a recess until he   
gets here?"  
  
"Good luck," mumbled Piper.  
  
"Miss," said the judge to Piper, "did you have something to say   
to this court?"  
  
"No," said Piper. "I'm sorry for the interruption."  
  
"And you are?" asked the judge.  
  
"Piper Halliwell," said Piper. "I'm Paige's sister."  
  
"Half-sister, your honor," corrected Mr. Pervestigator.  
  
"Let's not pick nits, Mr. Pervestigator," said the judge. "Miss   
Halliwell, what did you mean by 'good luck'?"  
  
"Just that it might be a while before the Source will be able to   
show up," said Piper.  
  
"And you know this because?" asked the judge.  
  
"Because we vanquished him a few months ago," said Piper.  
  
"Mr. Pervestigator," said the judge, "were you aware of the   
validity of Miss Halliwells' claim?"  
  
"No, your honor," said Pervestigator. "My office has never   
received notification of this supposed vanquishing."  
  
The judge turned to his clerk.  
  
"Contact the Bureau of Vanquishment and Metaphysical   
Reassignments," said the judge. "Have them do a check on this   
supposed vanquishing."  
  
"Yes, sir," said the clerk.  
  
"This will only take a moment," said the judge.  
  
Everyone waited as the clerk left the courtroom. Only a couple   
of minutes later she returned and whispered to the judge. He nodded   
his head and turned back to the others gathered there.  
  
"Well," said the judge, "it appears that Miss Halliwells'   
assertion of vanquishing the Source of All Evil is valid. He was   
vanquished approximately three months after filing his complaint with   
your office, Mr. Pervestigator. And these three young ladies have   
been very busy. It seems they vanquished the Source, not once, but a   
total of three times. A glitch in the Bureau of Vanquishment and   
Metaphysical Reassignments delayed notification of this to your   
office."  
  
"My apologies, your honor," said Pervestigator. "I had no idea   
of this vanquishing."  
  
"So," said the judge, "it appears, Mr. Pervestigator that you   
have a complaint without a complainant."  
  
"So it would see, your honor," said Pervestigator. "Based on   
this new evidence, the Department of Supernaturalization and   
Metaphysical Immigration moves that all charges against the defendant   
be dismissed."  
  
"Is there any objection from the defense?" asked the judge.  
  
"I don't know," said Paige. "What does all this mean?"  
  
"The prosecution is asking that you be let off the hook," said   
the judge. "They want to dismiss the charges against you. To be   
honest, asking you is really only a formality. Without a complainant,   
this court can't proceed with the case. I'm asking if you want me to   
dismiss this case?"  
  
"Yes, of course," said Paige. "I didn't mean to break any laws.   
I just didn't know I was supposed to do any of this stuff."  
  
"Very well," said the judge. "This case is dismissed without   
prejudice."  
  
He raised the gavel on his bench and was about to strike it on   
the bench when Pervestigator spoke up.  
  
"Your honor, if it please the court," said Pervestigator, "There   
is one last matter of business pertaining to this peculiar case which   
the court is in a position to dispose of."  
  
"And what is that, Mr. Pervestigator?" asked the judge.  
  
"As your honor is aware," said Pervestigator, "Miss Matthews   
never made a formal declaration of citizenship as required by Other   
World law. On her twenty-first birthday here citizenship   
automatically reverted to that of her father.  
  
"Miss Matthews, I believe, would like to request a special   
dispensation hearing so that she may now make the required   
declaration. The Department of Supernaturalization and Metaphysical   
Immigration does not oppose this request."  
  
"Can I do that?" the judge asked his clerk.  
  
"Yes, sir," said the clerk. "Since the case is still open, you   
have the authority to convene a special dispensation hearing."  
  
"Well, Miss Matthews," said the judge, "do you want to declare   
you permanent citizenship? It will provide you with all the necessary   
documentation and credentials you need to prevent this from happening   
again."  
  
"Yes, of course," said Paige. "What do I have to do?"  
  
"Okay," said the judge, "I declare this special dispensation   
hearing in session. Miss Matthews has already made her claim of being   
a half White Lighter. Does the Department of Supernaturalization and   
Metaphysical Immigration have cause to dispute this claim?"  
  
"We do not, your honor," said Pervestigator. "We are satisfied   
to the validity of Miss Matthews claim."  
  
"Miss Matthews," said the judge, "as a supernatural being of   
dual heritage, it is now necessary for you to make a formal   
declaration of citizenship. How do you declare?"  
  
"You have to tell him if you want to be a citizen of the White   
Lighter realm or Earthly realm," Pervestigator whispered to Paige.   
"If I were you, I'd go with the Earthly realm otherwise you'll be   
required to leave Earth until formal visitors' status can be arranged   
for you."  
  
"Uh, I guess I want to stay on Earth, your honor," said Paige.   
"That's where I grew up. It's where I belong."  
  
"Judgment as such is so ordered by this court," said the judge.   
"My clerk will prepare all the necessary documentation and paperwork   
that needs to be filed in this case."  
  
A small stack of papers suddenly appeared on the table in front   
of both Paige and Pervestigator.  
  
"These are your certified copies," said the judge. "I suggest   
you keep them in a safe place in case you are ever needed to use them   
again. Mr. Pervestigator, I assume you will see that the paperwork is   
filed with all the necessary agencies?"  
  
" I will, your honor," said Pervestigator.  
  
"Uh, judge," said Paige, "can I ask a question?"  
  
"I suppose," said the judge.  
  
"This isn't the first time we've had problems with these   
bureaucracy demons," said Paige. "I was just wondering if there was   
ANYTHING else we had to do so that we don't have to go through   
anything like this again?"  
  
"Mr. Pervestigator?" asked the judge.  
  
"Your honor," said Pervestigator, "I can't answer that question.   
I can tell Miss Matthews that as far as the Department of   
Supernaturalization and Metaphysical Immigration and the Infernal   
Revenue Service is concerned, she has nothing to be concerned with.   
All the necessary paperwork is on file and she will have no further   
complications from either agency."  
  
"Satisfied, Miss Matthews?" asked the judge.  
  
"I guess so, your honor," said Paige. "I'm just getting a   
little tired of these bureaucracy demons showing up all the time,   
that's all."  
  
"Well, if there's no further business?" asked the judge, looking   
at Pervestigator.  
  
Pervestigator shook his head no. The judge slammed his gavel   
down on the bench.  
  
"I declare this court adjourned," said the judge.  
  
"Congratulations, Miss Matthews," said Pervestigator. "I   
realize this must have been very trying for you. If I had only known   
about your vanquishing the Source before, I could have prevented all   
this."  
  
"Well, no harm done I guess," said Paige. "And you're sure all   
the necessary paperwork will be filed like it's supposed to?"  
  
"I shall attend to it personally," said Pervestigator. "You   
never have to worry about this ever again."  
  
"Let's get out of here," said Piper. "I just want to get home   
and put all this behind us and I'm sure Paige does, too."  
  
"Absolutely," said Paige. "If I never see another bureaucracy   
demon again, it will be too soon."  
  
"I hear that," said Phoebe.  
  
They all linked arms and Leo orbed them back to the manor.  
  
The End  
  
If you've enjoyed this story, you can find more "Charmed"   
stories at my website, www.geocities.com/killeenmale/. You can also   
post your own "Charmed" stories if you like to write fan fiction. 


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